inner childhood

this kid makes me the happiest person in the world. his name is Jake Tyler && we were racing cars hence my inner childhood!

facebook

yes facebook came in handy tonight. after discussing in class our shadow selves our great selves our whatever selves i found this quote. it was from one tree hill and i think it has a good message

"because sometimes you have to step outside the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. the person you want to be. the person you are. "

i like it

inner self

i'm a bitch
i say things that hurt peoples feelings
i am always right.
im obnoxious
i have a big head
my parents think im funny
i think i'm a nerd
i have no life
weekends involve family
i don't party
there are no parties
i want a lot from life
i want money
i want a nice car
i will be a nurse
i will break his heart one day
i need my sisters
i love to read
i get emotionally involved in too much
i'm sensitive
ill do all the talking but when you criticize me i end up in tears
i'm not who my parents think i am
i'm lazy
i will stick up for you no matter what
i have no best friend
i beat to my own drum
there are days when i have no self confidence
i cry way too much
i get angry at too much
i need therapy

&& when it comes down to it I'm still an eighteen year old from valley stream.

meditation is bullshit how about that. i didn't need to sit in silence to tell you this.

different.

it all seems too familiar
but something has certainly changed.
my soul deep inside cringes as we travel
down the roads and up the hills
there's a change in the air.
the magic is lost
and the excitement has faded.
like the leaves on the trees
falling, the trees
they are all now bare
like my memories
they are rare and cut open
it pains me to this day
traveling the same road
but something has changed
an exciting place now vanished.

inner self pictures

i stole the top one from mike but i edited it so i guess props to him?

tired

i am exhausted from walking today

tomorrow decides my future

im starving

i really want chinese food

its already 6:45

i just want to see him

its cold in here

oh im so tired

ugh...

childhood time of...

the wooden table set with pink plaid napkins folded over into a triangle
the glass cups and plates elegantly painted with roses and baby's breath
delicately placed on the table one by one.
the chairs gently tucked under the table each holding a friend
a teddy bear, Samantha the American Girl doll, and Curious George.
the last chair goes to me.
the tea was always cold
it was always pretty clear too.
my mom would yell when we put fruit punch into the tea cups
she would fret about staining the napkins.
the tea parties would last for hours.
pouring tea, sipping tea, and munching on chocolate chip cookies.
that was when times were so simple
and the days flew by.
just sitting at the tea table,
teddy and I...

Jessica Lynn && Alexandra Marie

my twins
my support
my lifelines && inspiration
my number one fan's
my greatest gift in life
my sisters
my loves

its brutal when were apart
good-byes always end in tears
we are each other's best friends
we know each others deepest secrets
being a year apart there is not much that separates us
from sharing clothes to sharing gossip
its never a dull moment
there is always constant chatter at the dinner table
my poor dad.
people use to think we were triplets
which i think is pretty nifty.
i am so grateful for the times we share together
and for always having two best friends
i know one day we will be each others maid of honors
and continue our journey's to the age of a hundred...

bob dylan saga

The song the times they are a changing was written by bob Dylan in 1963. He was in the process of recording a new album and hadn’t planned on using the song until his friend Tony Glover found the manuscript. He questioned Dylan asking “what is this shit man?” Dylan’s flawless response was, “well you know it seems to be what the people like to hear.” The song was then recorded and released on his 1964 record titled the times they are a changing. Since Bob Dylan was known for his protest songs, people immediately reacted and could relate to this song. During this time period there was war and political turmoil. People viewed the song as a way to revolt. Dylan disputed that it was not a protest song. He said “I can't really say that adults don't understand young people any more than you can say big fishes don't understand little fishes. I didn't mean ['The Times they are a-Changin'] as a statement...It's a feeling." In the song he relates to the different views of adults and older people in the lines “Come mothers and fathers throughout the land and don’t criticize what you can’t understand your sons and your daughters are beyond your command.” This proved how he viewed older people and the younger generation, stating that the younger generation is ruthless and cannot be controlled. The lyrics in this song have different meanings. Specifically the line “the order is rapidly fadin, and the first one now will later be last”, is taken from the gospel of Mark. In the gospel of Mark it says "But many that are first shall be last; and the last first” Dylan then changed it around and used it in his song.” If you interpret more than just that one specific line in the gospel it discusses how money and riches in life are nothing. This was a common theme with Dylan in his other songs. Another line from the song “there’s a battle outside and it is ragin “can be directly related to the war that was going on during this time period. This is why it has been said that this is in fact a protest song. I believe that Dylan wrote this song about himself. He realized that he was changing and that things don’t stay the same forever. The line “as the present now will later be past” generally states that life moves on and what seems important now will no longer matter later on. Many people wanted Bob Dylan to continue writing protest songs but Dylan had other plans. By 1964he had changed his image and wanted to break away from the title of protest singer and songwriter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vou4qUu5YY

him

he has the wittiest comments
&& the most obnoxious statements.
he has reddish brown hair that use to be long
it is now gone. washed down the drain.
his face is no longer hidden by layers of hair.
you now notice his eyes, hues of browns blues && greens
they have no specific color.
his freckles take over his body
creating somewhat of a pattern
his arms create a safe haven for me
holding me tight, but if feels just right.
hes been around for a while now
almost three years in may
he keeps me grounded, && focused on whats ahead.
i never have to worry if he wont be there for me
hes the one thing that seems to never go away.
there are times when our patience levels diminish
&& there are times when we just cant stand each other.
whose cranky whose blue sometimes its just so unbearable.
but we have each other through and through.
&& no matter what each && every night ends with an i love you...

FUCK

so i was just driving home from buying the second book in the twilight series new moon, bc i am a loser. no offense anyone. and then my brakes locked. steering wheel locked and i was helpless. some light that i have never seen went on the engine temperature button went all the way passed it was suppose to. some belt that is important according to my dad broke and now there is some liquid dripping out of my car. im so pissed. nothing has ever been wrong with my car before except a flat tire. im so aggravated. and im going to pay for this. my parents have enough on their plates and now all they need is a broken car. i kno its not my fault but still. i jinxed it. im so angry. getting to school tmrw is going to be great i get to drive with my sister. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. besides that i have no voice and im still sick. i hate today. today sucked. my next car is going to be a vespa. fuck Chevy's!

took a lyric from what song came on and heres the outcome

i had a dream about you, it was december in the afternoon

i got my heart set on anywhere but here.

i dont trust myself with lovin' you

the times they are a changin'

your already the voice inside my head

truth is hard to swallow

lately i choose water over wine

here i go im gone im going

dont look away dont run away

baby its only life...

so its hard for me to see if this really worked bc i just keep singing the songs..input would be nice...

random

divorce. i decided this is the word i hate the most. i am lucky enough to never have experienced this first hand but i have seen the results. a horrible mess. there are so many bitter people and so many dreams that vanish. the little girl i babysit is a miserable person. at the tender age of 10 she trusts no one and hates people who have fathers. she doesn't know why her father was forced to leave but she blames anyone but him for his leaving. he raped a 13 year old. just wait until she is old enough to hear that. there are such horrible people in the world sometimes it is hard to trust anyone. think of her mother. she married this man thinking he was the best and she loved him with everything. then that happens. its so horrible. my other friend Jacqui is 19 but is in the middle of her parents. they scream all day, her dad hiring private investigators, and snooping in on his daughter. its terrible. and then what happens. the divorce papers come and life moves on. people are hurt and then your years of being together are forced to disappear. i don't get it. there is no purpose to this rant and i hope i haven't hurt any feelings. i just thinks that this proves to us all that before you get married make sure they are the one, and don't hurt your children in the process. divorce is just such a strong word that it makes me cringe...

livers

biology, who needs this shit. oh i mean i do.
i do want to be a nurse. im so glad i get to learn about nephrons and the insides of your livers and how we pee. who gives a fuck
really no one. i have a week to learn all of this and pass the midterm. rediculous.

im going to eat moe's with my sisters. we are having a sister day.

beast belly whatever

i deleted this blog by accident and now i dont have it back =[

i guess i will just have to get angry again

time of...

the crunch of the gravel under the car tires

the finality of it all, was too hard to comprehend

the last goodbye, the tears && the memories.

the hill that led to the town store

the car gained speed as we drove down the mountain

it was the fastest exit of my life

it was all too fast to take in

too hard for me not to cry

it was just too hard to say goodbye.

the last time on route 7

the local lake rippled as we drove past

the leaves stirring up on the dirt road.

it was the most pathetic moment

a family torn over a house

&& the result an argument that no one ever won.

the key turned locking the door

now there was no chance of returning

it was over.

my childhood memories

my peace && tranquility, trapped inside.

forgotten by many, but not me.

my life sits there on top of a hill, quiet && alone with no one there for it to love...

train

you walk around like you own the place

your heinous face is one i couldn't have mistaken

for another.

your hair is fried with too many colors,

perfect timing that were on the same train.

i hate you

for no reason

but a good reason.

you simply disappeared from my life.

are you a ghost?

you left me because of a boy!

what is that about?

well guess what he wouldn't have replaced you...

why would you think that?

we were inseparable.

how do you go up to me and act like nothing happened?

trying to pretend that what you did to me was alright

its not.

your a bitch for what you did.

all along i would blame myself but fuck it,

your the one who walked away...

sick life hahaha

another day in the life of a bug

bugs are annoying

annoying as your brother

brothers McGee

McGee who is he

he he he i can sing my ABC's

ABC's of life

life is what you make it

it throws you obstacles

obstacle course to run through

through thick n thin

thin little baby

baby you are crazzzaaaayyyyyyy

ha ha i'm really done, this is what happens when you don't want to go to sleep and you just stay up to the point where you are too tired to focus on anything!

car continued it wouldnt let me add the rest of the pictures

car

so i got out of biology early saturday and i had a sweet sixteen at 12 so i met my family there i changed at molloy and went straight to the place. of course my sister jess takes 2 years to get ready and will be late for her own funeral i got bored and realized i had my camera. so this is the result....p.s i love my freckles

...

her eyes swell up

crying for a lost cause

here we go again.

the pain on the inside

the anxiety it builds

builds a wall that contains it.

the anger that led to the tears has gone away

why must the world be this way.

today is Sunday, it is suppose to be a great day...

it all started with my horoscope...

October 2, 2008
"A stranger with a powerful personality will draw you into their orbit today and before you know it you will be telling them all your most intimate secrets. That's okay. It's good to open up and be honest sometimes, and they won't betray your trust in them."
-Sally Brompton

this is from the new york post. i read my horoscope every morning and most of the time i think they are right. but today i was like yeah right im not going to find any stranger and tell them my secrets. too bad this did happen. but its even more amazing than i could have ever imagine. i cant tell anyone about this until it really happens on monday. HINT it has to do with everyone's favorite music channel, mtv

;] stay tuned!

class today leads me to inspiration part 2

my inspiration use to be my Vermont house, as everyone already has read. but thinking about it i think i lack inspiration now because i have no time for it. i lack inspiration now because my Vermont house is no longer there. well its there alright, but without me. all i have left is memories. when mike said today he was going to Vermont i wanted to cry. i cant stand it. its horrible. thinking back to inspiration i think back to a few years ago; when i was a single, lonely tenth grader who didn't go out drinking at night and stayed in to have family dinner, i was inspired by a lot more. i think it is easier to be inspired when you are depressed. really!! i would sit at home listen to the used and feel bad that i didn't have a boyfriend, that i wasn't one of the cool girls, that i wasn't pretty enough or that i wasn't a makeup whore. at that point in my life i would stay up until the wee hours of the morning and draw. i drew anything. from my puppy to girls from magazines. i think now it sucks that i have no time for inspiration. no time to sit and smell the roses or whatever that saying is. although i do know one thing that when i am inspired, for example my two little love muffins Jake and Ella, nothing can ruin my day. they make me happy and they do nothing wrong. thinking about it Jake is my inspiration, i'm constantly making him take silly pictures with me and we draw and paint and play with play-dough. so maybe i do have inspiration after all. i just hope that life doesn't pass me by too quickly. too many people have no time for themselves. cough, my parents. i need to give myself more Sam time to do what i want. forget valley stream forget my boyfriend and just find my inspiration again...